Whether it be a painting, a project, or an idea, there is a particular moment when you start to see it for the first time. That moment came to me today, and I feel much more ready. Ish.
The entire long weekend I spent watching all of Louis Malle’s long forgotten documentary, Phantom India. It is five hours long and made me oscillate between ecstatic joy at the prospects of exploring these places in person, and sheer fright at the fact that, well, that I would be heading to all those nooks in person too. It sounds like a terrible cliche, but there were some shots of hospitals, orphanages, slums, and countrysides, where I had to avert my gaze, and avert Keecha’s as well (Keecha is a cat I was cat-sitting).
(One particularly jarring scene is that of vultures and wild dogs fighting over the decaying carcass of a cow that has died of “natural causes.” The camera zooms in on the dog gnawing away at the cow’s behind, and the vultures pecking away at the dead cow’s bulging eyes. The sun feels hot even from this side of the screen, with the buzzing of flies so overwhelming, and even before your mind can properly process what is happening, Malle moves on to other dizzying scenes of train rides and religious rituals. I guess that is how Malle perceived these events to be, and I guess the overwhelming shots are a metaphor for India itself.)
And today I finally mustered enough courage to return to the Indian consulate to apply for my visa. The last time I was there, it had been Prophet Mohammad’s Birthday, and the consulate had been closed. While gathering up my disbelief to leave, I overheard someone mutter (“Clearly it’s not a real holiday!”).
Dutifully filling in the visa application form, I came across a question asking me to list all the countries I had visited in the past ten years. Ten years! Ten years brings me back to my barely-babysitting days. Then I realized that I had never made such a list. I have always dreamed up maps of places I wanted to visit, but had never kept a running tab on all the unbelievably beautiful places that I have been to. Some places I suspect I will need to return once I am older, more wise perhaps (Beijing). Other places, I know for certain I will return to (Beirut). There were pleasant surprises (Copenhagen), and ones with mixed memory.
But back to India. I don’t have a ticket just yet, but I am flying into Istanbul next Saturday. Reunion with a beloved friend, before continuing onto Bombay, where I know not a soul. I would not know where to direct my taxi to when I land, but one thing that gives me faith is that I had pulled this one on the world once before, and it had worked. The first time I flew into Beirut, I did not know where I would be staying that night (Google Map has also given up on Beirut, so it’s not just me), and I left a few months later with the closest thing I know to having kindred spirits.
I am bringing with me a backpack with 1 change of clothes, a camera, moleskine, sketchbook, and not much else.* I have skeletal and elemental ideas of what I want to do (besides the usual suspects: check out the Naxalites, live and farm in Auroville, go on a hike), but for a country as vast and complex as India, it seems foolish to map out an itinerary and remain faithful to it through out my journey.
Can you think of anything else I should bring or anything else I should do? For instance, I am still toying with the idea of bringing/buying a laptop/smart phone. Thoughts?
* Well, this is not true. A more complete packing list is at the bottom of this post.
